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That is What We Do in Our Culture


It is not uncommon these days to hear reference made to culture. In fact the word culture has become a buzzword in all kinds of contexts, not just in travel but in the places we work, in sport, education and politics, just to mention a few.

Culture is often treated in everyday language as synonymous with nation, custom or identity.

But the concept of culture is complex.

It can easily lead to confusion if not a sense of apprehension when used in a statement for example such as “that is what we do in our culture”, or similarly, “that is how we do things around here”. The summary points below are at the core of this:

  • Culture is not homogenous, providing clear instructions for how to think, feel and act; nor is culture synonymous with the customary way of doing things, or custom as in etiquette. Both these insufficient interpretations of culture underestimate the importance of individual agency demonstrated in attitude and behaviour.

  • Furthermore, culture is not evenly distributed among members of a group, nor does an individual’s identity reflect only one single culture (i.e. I am simply German or Australian). This approach ignores and/or dismisses deviance from the norm with potential negative stereotypes and discrimination as the result.

  • And while culture is often referred to as something “out there” and static, culture is internalized by individuals (to a larger or lesser extend) and dynamic, adapting itself to its environments (Avruch, 1998 cited by Spencer-Oatey, 2012 pp. 16-17).

Let me share with you a recent experience that brings to light some of the complexity of the term culture and its connection to emotions and communication.

My Experience

About one week after returning home to Sydney, Australia, from a recent trip to Bali where I met up with my close and treasured Emirati friends from Sharjah, UAE, I had a cultural experience that had triggered mixed feelings in me; those associated with happiness on one hand and perplexity on the other.

While performing some outside work duties, I realised that I had lost my personal smart phone. To see where the phone might be, a colleague of mine called my phone number twice so that I could track its whereabouts. But to no avail; I could not hear a ring tone. "Oh no, I have lost my phone somewhere when getting in and out of the car!"

I felt this most immense worry come over me. I started to feel sick in my stomach.

Then there was an incoming call to my colleague’s phone; at the end of the line a male voice saying he had found my smart phone. My colleague handed me his phone so that I could personally talk to the finder – let me call him ‘John’ for this story. I felt so relieved and elated and expressed my sentiments to John accordingly.

He responded by saying: “The phone is safe with me. But if you want it back it will cost you – moment of silence - it will cost you a box of beer, a box of Coronas – moment of silence -

"That is what we do in our culture."

All of a sudden I felt a sense of confusion and bewilderment.

I said: “I understand. But what do you mean by 'that is what we do in our culture?”

John responded by stating that he is originally from XXX (the name of the country was left blank here intentionally to avoid any potential unconscious stereotyping). I interpreted this as him referring to national culture.

As it turned out, both of us were immigrants. We had both come from different countries, now living in Australia. While I have travelled to and lived in quite a few different countries, apart from Australia and Germany, I was not familiar with his country’s cultural practices, its values, beliefs and norms.

I sensed that while we both might share some appreciation of the common core concepts of the Australian culture, both of us also carried our cultural heritage imprints in our metaphorical backpacks that influenced our thinking, our feelings and our actions, how we organize things and how we communicate (Bennett, 1998).

I cannot deny that the ambiguity of this whole situation stirred feelings of

unease, anxiety and fear in me.

"Is what I am hearing suggesting that if I do not agree to bring a box of beer in exchange for my phone he might not hand back my phone?"

I could feel my heart sink. I was now engulfed by an increasing sense of uncertainty and insecurity. I felt powerless. realising that John could decide not to honour his stated good intentions if I did not abide by his expressed expectation. The trust I had felt initially had disappeared.

I detected some pride in John about his original nationality, about the country he had come from, its values, beliefs and customs. Accordingly, it was important to let it transpire that I was willing and committed to respect John’s cultural identity despite my feelings of vulnerability accompanied by a sense of resentfulness. I thought to myself:

“What might be appropriate and acceptable in one culture

is not necessarily the case in others.”"